My Mom Hates Natural Hair
I feel I'm in a tough situation. My family (especially my mom) hates natural hair. I personally think it's because when I was little she didn't know how to properly take care of it (like a lot of mom's didn't back then). So she thinks my hair is going to be an unruly mess like some of my childhood photos. I've been showing her youtube videos and her comment is always "Your hair won't do that" or "she has a different kind of texture." She is really trying to discourage me.
Quite honestly I think it's sad that mothers are teaching their children to hate their own hair. That's a why a lot of us are addicted to weaves. I can't speak for everyone, but I know this is true for a lot of blacks. I will definitely make sure my children are encouraged to get to know their own hair. I have two friends that have worn weave since age 10 and will not be seen without it. I'm tired of being ashamed of my hair.
I was reading another post here where a woman was going natural for her daughter to see and feel she doesn't have to have straight hair. I almost teared up reading it because I wish my family was that supportive.
If you were in my shoes, what would you do? Keep in mind, I still live at home and don't have the funds to buy a lot of the products I would like to help me transition. So I'm reliant on my mom for money at the moment. I'm really tired of her trying to discourage me but I want to do this.
Alexis, If I was in your shoes, I would sit down with my mother and really talk to her and let her know that her support really means a lot to me. She really needs to know that whatever choice you make in life, it is important to know that she is on your side. That is why a lot of young ladies go outside for support, help and love because they don't get it at home.
Let her know that you are really hurt by this and hopefully she will change and support you. What mother wants to hurt her own daughter?? Stay encourage and strong.
That's great advice, Melissa!
Alexis, I'm sorry you have to go through this. We can't please everyone, and when we try, eventually we lose part of ourselves in the process while the other person is walking around still doing their own thing! I'm an adult and my mom isn't 100% supportive either but you know what? I love my mom to pieces but I'm still not swayed by my decision. You're right - that's just the way some of our mothers were raised - to hate our own natural hair.
I would say stick to your guns and don't give in to anyone elses thoughts, feelings or opinions. This is your hair, and you have the right to do with it whatever you want! Depending on how much money you have, you really don't need much to help you transition. I started out with a $20 Shea Moisture Transitioning Kit, and truly it had everything I needed. If you have some EVOO in the kitchen, you're good to go for right now. Once your mother sees what you can do, maybe she'll come around (or maybe she won't), but it's more important for you to develop into your own "self". And you can do this without disrespecting anyone else. Hope this helps!
I just wanna give you a hug! Sorry, but that's what angers me about the natural hair thing. We are the only race who can't feel free to wear our hair how we came out of the womb and there are such self esteem issues tied to it (for some not all). I am so proud of you for wanting to do this and I want you to know that you have our support. Your mom will come around. As Melissa said, just talk to your mom and explain to her how you feel. Go on youtube and show her some natural styles.
I think a lot of mom's are afraid of natural hair because they didn't know how to properly take care of their own hair so they fear the same for their children.
I understand everyone has a preference for hairstyles and I wouldn't force natural on anyone, but a child should be feel free to wear the hair she was born with. Think about the impact when a child hears "You can't wear your hair like that" or "you have to fix your hair" when it's in its natural state. Sorry but it angers me a bit.
I'm a mamma and I LOVE natural hair ad will be teaching my daughters to do the same. Tell your mom that natural hair maintenance has evolved and there is more then enough help here and on youtube to get you going in the right direction. Tell her to come to these forums and look at all the love you're getting.
I want to give you a big hug right now! I know it can be hard with transitioning without support. I definitely agree with Melissa, I would sit down and talk to your mom about your decision and how her support would be beneficial for your process.
About the product situation, there are "mainstream" products, like Lo'real that has sulfate free shampoos that aren't expensive. For a conditioner, I use the Herbal Essence: Hello hydration conditioner. It was $4.97 for a big bottle in Wal-mart. There are also products that can be used for relaxed hair as well. Or you can start off gradual with the Motion line. That's what I did at first because I was familiar with it when I was relaxed, and Motions has a natural/transitioning line that is the same price as the regular stuff in Walgreens. Eco Styler Gel can be used for both natural and relaxed hair and it's only $2.97 in Walgreen (at the time I brought it, I think it's only $1 more when it isn't on sale).
Another hug coming your way. I really don't have anything to add because I agree with all of the comments that are posted.
I do applaud you for wanting to wear your hair in its natural state. It's beautiful thing. Keep the faith and stay strong. We all support you.
You guys make me smile. Thanks for all the support.
You're welcome, Alexis! One thing I thought about later....is to maybe ask your mom to give you six months to a year, and that you would really like her support! Show her the youtube videos and natural hair websites and blogs so that she can see how the natural hair communities have evolved, like EastCoastMama said. Things are so different now than they were just five years ago, from what I've been reading! All you can do is try, and we wish you all the best!
that is a tough situation!
Be strong and remember you are not your mother, but at the same time I understand that her opinion and loving support is very important to you - this is just how it is naturally between mother and daughter, we obviously want our mother's approval for these type of things, but on the other hand, the daughter is the extension of the mother, where she stops you begin and you will have your own personality, opinion, needs and ways of dealing with things! I think this applies to hair issues! Hair is in a new era - what we had to do in our mothers' time is not the same as what we have to do now for others to accept us and for us to accept ourselves! so she will have to do an update on what is acceptable in society now! that could involve some gentle education and insight sharing on your part - and it is okay if she has her opinion as we all do, just dont feel that you have to win an argument or convince your whole family, this is too heavy a burden over a hairstyle and could wear down your spirit over time!
I think that deep down inside many mothers hope that their daughter's hair will be a better grade then theirs was so that their daughters will not have to have the same hair problems and issues that they did, and this may not be so. Also some mothers that hate their own hair look at their daughters hair and cringe because they see that their daughter has the same type of hair that they hate! basically a lot of black women HATE THEIR HAIR! SO THEY HATE THEIR DAUGHTERS HAIR! as sad as this is, they have no self acceptance or love for their hair in its natural state, and they are already training their daughters to adopt this same attitude towards their hair, kind of like an "I hate my hair legacy!" In other countries where I have lived natural hair is accepted! Like Jamaica, Africa etc. they do not feel that by magic their daughter's hair will come out silky and shiney if theirs is not. but in america, I feel because of mixing of race and hair product promises, many mothers feel they will overcome this and transform their daughters hair with relaxers, products etc!!!
You can break free of this but just remember you are going against the grain, their will be times when you need to educate your family about why you are choosing to go natural - they see no obvious value in this, especially because they are from the generation of the relaxer, jerri curl etc. it was a time of great promises for blacks that they would somehow escape the naps. but we know that this is not true after our hair has been burnt off, with chemical etc.
I think in general black people feel embarrassed when they see natural texture hair that they feel is un-kept by their definition or not styled according to what is acceptable - they feel in america that they are above and beyond natural hair!!!!! This concept is almost ridiculous to be beyond our natural selves it is a form of denial and self hatred, but at the same time I understand why, it was back on the slave ships they first started to criticize us for our hair, so it has always been and always will be a sensitive spot for blacks, i feel to get beyond this we have to be SO STRONG - stronger then our parents concepts, stronger then our own sensitivities, maybe we will not get the moral support we think we should! But so what, that should not always dictate how we deal with our own personal issues and our hair is personal!
So go ahead girl and shine!!!! Let your natural hair project that shining energy also, if you are confident then others will pick up on it and eventually support you, but if you are shy and insecure they will pick up on this and be all up in your moment with their negative energy!
I hope this helps, I had the same issue when I dreadlocked my hair, this was in a time when dread locks were new to the american culture now everyone has them, i took a lot of criticism and had to let it go, i cannot control other peoples opinions but i can control how I feel - I realized i was educating people with my decision to do my hair that way and many people locked up their hair because they thought mine was beautiful but it took time!
stay in the light and love energy!
bye for now