The fear of being rejected by men is a common reason many women won’t go natural — especially women who are single.
When I was transitioning, a friend of mine said she will go natural after she gets a husband.
Wow… Really?
I say “Wow”, but I’m not really surprised by that statement. Many women worry that men won’t be attracted to them with their natural hair. Period.
Unfortunately, the media has European-ized some men’s (and women’s) brains. In other words, many people unconsciously believe straighter hair is prettier than kinky hair. However, just like many women embrace natural hair, so do many men — especially when a woman rocks it with confidence.
If you think about it, it’s very sad. We are unconsciously raised to be ashamed of our natural hair. How crazy is it that some men won’t find us as attractive because we wear our hair in its natural state and do not conform to the European standard of beauty.
Yes, it’s sad, but that’s their problem, not ours.
I never really realized how deep all this was until I started transitioning myself. For years, I preferred wearing my hair straight, but never really thought about why I would never go natural.
Yes, wash days were easier when I was relaxing, I didn’t have to worry about humidity as much, but I also didn’t think there was anything pretty about my natural hair. So as I transitioned, I had to re-program my own mind.
Think about it. If we can’t even embrace our own hair, how can we expect other people to do the same?
Update Sept. 2011: Toward the end of my transition when my hair was mostly natural, I started getting more compliments from men than I ever did with relaxed hair. Random men approached me on the street, in Starbucks, at Subway, and even the airport.
Now, I don’t believe that is because more men like natural hair. I actually think most men prefer straight hair.
But my point is, those who love it, will go out of their way to tell you. It also taught me that you can’t spend your life worrying about who is NOT going to appreciate something about you because there will always be those who will.
So, if you’re one of those women worried about what men are going to think, check the video below.
You may argue that he is in the minority, and that may be true. Nevertheless, he’s a great example of a man who loves a woman with natural hair. (Thanks for sharing, TheNaturalHaven.)
Check out this discussion on the Napturally Curly forums where a lady discusses her fear of going natural due to the rejection by men.
All of these comments are so inspiring. I am about 5 months into my transitioning and have had clumps of the relaxed hair breaking off. I use shea moisture products, Carols daughter transitioning kit and twist my hair up into bantu knots and sometimes twists every night; so I can’t figure out why it keeps breaking off. Anyway, this transitioning period has been a challenge and I only have support from one family member; who is fully natural and rocks a “taper cut,” so finding this site is like a breath of fresh air. My biggest concern while transitioning, was what men would think about it and to be honest; I’m seeing someone now, (he’s white) and he doesn’t seem to care. Wheeew! So much for worrying about that. LOL!
This is so interesting! My boyfriend, who is white, actually convinced me to go natural, surprisingly. Somehow we got on the subject of perms one day, and he said “if they’re so bad for your hair, why don’t you just stop?” I explained to him that our hair doesn’t work like theirs does and he said “And? You’re a beautiful different person, with beautiful different hair.” That has been my inspiration to keep going, cause Lord Jesus, some days I don’t want to lol! You’d be surprised how some people see beauty when you don’t.
I am proud to say that my husband encouraged me to go natural. One day, I said, “Honey, I’m think I will go natural.” He said, “That’s good. That will be better for your hair anyways.” Oh. what a relief to hear those words!!! He loves for me to wear the braided and twisted updos. I went through changing relaxers about 4 years and my hair would not stay straight for no more than 3 weeks. Right now, I am in my 5th month of transitioning. I have had some breakage, but I am being patient because I know it is part of the process. I love using leave-in conditioner, which has been a life saver for detangling. I’m praying that my mother begin her transition soon because she uses relaxer and her edges are thinning more and more. For women who think their husband will not accept you going natural, just begin by talking to them. Or, if a woman who is afraid a man will be turned off by their natural hair, allow guys to realize that this is who I am and you will have to accept me for who I am. Let them know that you are confident that you are beautiful with natural hair!!! 🙂
Hi Lisa,
This is very interesting. When I first went natural, I felt so ashamed, because of how we had been conditioned to think about about my hair. I didn’t dislike my hair because my mother embraced my natural hair. As I got older, I would say I was more concerned about what others thought about my hair.
I’ve been natural since 2003 and I don’t care anymore about what anyone thinks.
When I got engaged, I had just big chopped and for the wedding I was chicken and put a texturizer in. My husband has no problems with my natural hair. He actually likes it.
There is a good video series on You tube called 600 Years without a Comb. It is very eye opening!
Take care,
Evelyn
My fine husband loves my hair; and I get a kick at women looking at this gray hair natural chic with this fine brother. He’s a good man and wants me to be happy, nappy, natural and more. He reallly likes that I no longer obsess over the weather and elements. We do a lot more things out doors now and have spontaneous fun. I’m happy, nappy and love my partner. Thank you very much.